Monday
by ShaViva
Summary: Everyone knows what happened on Sunday, but what about after? For Evan Lorne, anger, guilt and grief drive him to behave unlike his usual self. He'd have gotten away with it too, but for Doctor Jennifer Keller and her intrusions into his pretenses.
1. Avoidance

**Monday**

Author: ShaViva

Rating: T

Content Warning: None

Season: Post Season 3 episode Sunday – early season 4. Episode tag for Sunday.

Summary: Everyone knows what happened on Sunday, but what about after? For Evan Lorne, anger, guilt and grief drive him to behave unlike his usual self. He'd have gotten away with it too, but for Doctor Jennifer Keller and her intrusions into his pretenses. Kind of Lorne/Keller pre-ship/friendship.

Classifications: Drama, maybe a hint of romance

Pairings: could be seen as Lorne/Keller pre-ship or just friendship

Spoilers for: very vague ones for Sunday, Adrift and Lifeline.

Acknowledgements: None

Disclaimer: The Stargate characters, storylines, etc aren't mine. I am unfortunately not associated in any way with the creators, owners, or producers of Stargate or any of its media franchises – if I was Lorne would have been in A LOT more episodes. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, equipment, etc are the property of whoever owns them. The original characters and plot and anything else I made up are the property of me, the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Copyright (c) 2010 ShaViva

* * *

**Chapter 1: Avoidance**

"Damn it!" Lorne growled the curse as he clamped a hand over his right forearm where the short arrow had just embedded itself. "Keep going!" he told his team impatiently, not slowing his own pace.

They were running from a group of locals, old allies who'd suddenly decided they didn't want further contact with anyone from Atlantis. Apparently the Wraith had made it known through their 'tame' human contacts that planets with those contacts would be dealt with severely. As the village leader, Carlan, had put it a feeding would be preferred over what the Wraith promised they'd do to anyone helping the Atlantians.

Lorne of course had tried to talk them around – Atlantis was still looking to build on their allies and couldn't really afford to lose the ones they'd already made. Sure, the replicators were now programmed to go after the Wraith but desperate times often resulted in desperate ... and _deadly_ actions.

In response to Evan's diplomatic efforts the locals had drawn their arrows and bows, prompting team Lorne to make a hasty exit.

Not hasty enough if the pain in Evan's arm was any indicator. As they rounded the bend and broke into the clearing that housed the Stargate he put on a burst of speed and threw himself behind the DHD. "Coughlin, dial the gate," he yelled, ducking low.

Looking down at his arm he swallowed hard. The arrow was embedded pretty deep and throbbed in time with the beating of his heart. It was a kind of flag for the exertion he'd just put himself through – his blood was bounding loud enough he could almost hear it - which probably wasn't a good thing for what he intended to do next.

"Sir?" Airman Reed dropped down next to his CO, his expression concerned as he looked at the arrow.

"Watch those trees Reed," Lorne ordered. "You see anyone you shoot – warning shots unless they get too close."

"Yes Sir," Reed shifted to take up a cover position to follow those orders.

"Okay," Evan muttered to himself, eyes on his injury. "Just like a bandaid." With that he grabbed the arrow and ripped it from his arm, stifling the yell of pain down to a low groan. God, that had hurt a lot worse than he'd expected. Leaning back for a second, Lorne concentrated on beating down the urge to groan some more. Grabbing a field dressing he pulled up his sleeve and wrapped the bandage around his arm rapidly, tying it off tight. Pulling down the fabric of his long sleeved t-shirt to cover the bandage, he looked up quickly to assess their situation.

Just in time too – the wormhole whooshing out was accompanied by the arrival of the locals at the edge of the clearing. "Go! Go!" Lorne yelled, jumping up and taking the few steps needed to get him to the event horizon.

And then they were stepping through to safety, the few arrows that made it to Atlantis with them falling uselessly to the floor as the shield was raised.

"Major, report," Colonel Sheppard was already on his way down the stairs, Colonel Carter a step behind him.

"Another planet that no longer wants to be friends Sir," Lorne said simply.

"That's the second one this week," Sheppard said grimly.

"Yes Sir," Lorne was aware of his men moving to stand with him. "The replicators being out and about isn't going to help either. If we don't find the source of these Wraith threats it's only going to get worse."

"Did you get any leads on that?" Sheppard asked hopefully.

"Maybe," Lorne turned to look at Coughlin. "The Sergeant here overheard two of the locals talking. It might be nothing but they mentioned another planet they'd visited recently. Could be worth going to take a look."

"Okay," Colonel Carter nodded. "Major, you and your team report to the infirmary and then we'll debrief straight after."

"Yes Ma'am," Lorne nodded to his team to get started. Once they were out of earshot he put a hand on Coughlin's shoulder. "Tell the docs I'll be there in a minute," he said, breaking off and heading for the nearest transporter.

Less than a minute later he was in his quarters, at the bathroom mirror, assessing the damage. His shirt was beyond repair – pulling it carefully down his arm he ripped it off and threw it into the trash can before leaning into the mirror. On closer inspection it wasn't as bad as he'd feared. The puncture wound was deep but it was clean - the arrow hadn't ripped the flesh when he'd pulled it out. The amount of blood still flowing from the wound was a little concerning but if he put enough pressure on it it would clot and then scab and he'd be right. Pulling out his first aid kit, Evan got to work, cleaning the area with antiseptic and then covering it with gauze. He wrapped a fresh bandage around his forearm, holding one end in his teeth so he could get the knot tight enough.

"Done," he murmured. All that was left to do was clean off all the dried blood that had managed to get on his chest and hands and pull on a clean shirt.

In all the whole operation took three minutes. Two minutes later he was walking into the infirmary. He saw Doctor Keller immediately – running the standard checks on Reed. Looking around he spotted the person he was looking for. Nurse Jillian Harper had been on the Daedalus when Evan had shipped to Atlantis. She'd left a bad relationship behind and Evan had become a kind of surrogate brother during the long trip. That relationship had extended to their time on Atlantis to the point that if she was on duty Jillian usually did his post mission check.

"Evan," she smiled as he nodded to his men and then made his way over to her. "Easy mission?"

"Yeah, except for the ending," Lorne agreed. "But we got through unscathed so it's not all bad."

"Anything you need me to look at?" Jill asked.

"Nah, I'm good," Evan said simply. He tried not to feel bad for deceiving her even slightly. He _was_ fine but he knew her question wasn't asking for his self diagnosis. He just ... he didn't want Keller's attention right then and he knew that if he'd brought the arrow wound out into the open that's what would happen. Then he'd be lucky to get out of the infirmary before nightfall.

Smiling Jillian did the bare essentials – putting him under the scanner to make sure he hadn't been taken over by nanites or anything else, taking some blood – from his left arm thankfully – and then pronouncing him fit to be roaming around the city.

"Thanks Jill," Evan said, putting a hand on her arm and squeezing lightly.

"No problem Evan," Jillian returned. Watching him leave she sighed. He'd been troubled for a while but so far hadn't opened up to her – they were friends but there was always a part of Evan Lorne that no one got to see.

"Problems Jillian?" Jennifer Keller came to stand beside her station.

"No Doctor Keller," Jill replied.

"Are you and Major Lorne ...," Jennifer left the sentence open.

"Together? No ma'am," Jillian said immediately. "Evan's a friend though. He's just been ... even more private than usual the past few weeks. I'm sure it's nothing."

"You did all the basic checks?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes Doctor," Jill reported.

"Okay, well if you're still concerned we can get Major Lorne in for a more detailed physical," Keller suggested.

"He'd hate that," Jillian admitted.

"Ah, one of those," Jennifer smiled knowingly. "Tough military man who doesn't like the infirmary. We seem to have a few of those around."

Smiling Jillian nodded, finished her notes for Evan's file and then closed it off, moving on to her next task.

* * *

"You okay Sir?" Airman Reed was the only one who knew about Lorne's injury but had had to wait until after the debrief to check on his CO's condition.

"All patched up," Lorne said casually. "No permanent damage done."

Nodding, Reed followed his team leader into the mess.

They'd talked at the debrief about the planet the local's Coughlin had overheard had mentioned, and agreed it was worth another mission the following day. Now they were on their way for a very late lunch before going off duty for the rest of the day. It had been an early start and Lorne didn't mind admitting he was feeling a little tired.

Looking at the meagre offerings still available, Evan grabbed an apple and a bottle of water and headed for the nearest vacant table.

"Not hungry Sir?" Coughlin took a seat across from Lorne, his tray full.

"Not especially," Evan shrugged, winced a little as his bandage pulled painfully. Putting a hand to his arm he felt the heat, even through the bandage. It had been a hard impact and it wasn't unheard of for there to be residual heat and swelling. He'd have to check it again when he got back to his room.

"You okay Major?" David Parrish asked, the last one of the team to sit down.

"Never better," Evan smirked. "It's you civilians who usually can't keep up."

"Hey, I ran just as fast as the rest of you today," Parrish protested, his attention immediately diverted. "Did you see?" He nudged Reed. "I think I even beat you to the Gate today."

"You did good Doc," Reed said, frowning a little as he watched his CO.

Lorne noticed, shaking his head subtly and Reed realised that for some reason he didn't want the others to know he'd taken an arrow during that mad dash. Reed didn't understand why but it wasn't his place to question – the Major always had a reason for every action and Reed trusted him implicitly, counted himself lucky to be on the Major's team.

"Get an early night guys," Lorne said, putting aside his mostly uneaten apple. Grabbing the water he stood. "We've got an early start tomorrow."

"Yes Sir," Reed and Coughlin replied immediately, Parish nodding as well as Evan left the table.

Lorne walked back to his room at a brisk pace. He felt ... off ... just a little but enough to notice. The heat in his arm was making him feel hot all over and his stomach was rolling in a faintly nauseous kind of way. Swallowing, he swiped open his door, heading straight for the bathroom.

His arm _was_ red, and a little swollen, but didn't look infected. He just needed to get some sleep and he'd be fine. Re-bandaging his arm Evan dropped onto his bed, lying and looking up at the ceiling.

He felt like an idiot, trying to avoid something it was inevitable he'd have to deal with eventually. But it had only been a few weeks and he just wasn't ready to put his trust in someone new – someone he didn't know and hadn't really taken notice of until Doctor Weir had been injured. And look how _that_ had turned out!

With a sigh, Evan rolled to lie on his left side. Closing his eyes he dropped off a few minutes later.

* * *

Doctor Keller finished her shift late enough to have missed dinner by a few hours. It was a too often occurrence, so much so that she'd begun to count on the kitchen staff to put something aside for her. When she got to the mess it was mostly deserted. Grabbing her tray Jennifer looked around, frowning when she noticed Major Lorne sitting at one of the few occupied tables. He was slouched in his chair, his head resting on one arm awkwardly, a mug sitting untouched in front of him. He looked tired ... and tense.

Making a snap decision she walked over. "Mind if I join you Major?" she said casually, putting her tray on the table to his right and pulling out a chair before he could respond.

"Ah ... yes, I mean no," Lorne almost stuttered before he regrouped. "Sure, you're welcome to sit there."

Smiling Jennifer began eating straight away, her attention not too obviously on him while she checked him out. She couldn't help but be the doctor, cataloguing symptoms, and the Major had enough to have her interest sharpening.

He was pale and giving off enough heat for her to feel it sitting next to him. His eyes were too bright and a little blood shot and he looked like even sitting at the table required more energy than he had. His entire body language screamed that he didn't want her there, didn't want her looking at him too closely. The only question was, why?

She didn't know the Major very well ... in fact, thinking about it now she realised she'd never actually attended to him in the infirmary, even after taking over from Carson. They'd had a couple of conversations, enough to nod to each other as they passed in the corridors, but that was it. Jennifer was sure that level of contact would increase now that she was officially the CMO – she'd have to start taking on some of the other roles Carson had done, including trips offworld. But now, trying to work Lorne out, Jenn realised she had no personal knowledge to fall back on.

"You're up late Major," she said casually. "Don't you have an early mission tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we do," Lorne agreed. "Something woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep." He didn't admit that he'd woken himself up, rolling over onto his injured arm.

"You couldn't sleep so you're having ...coffee?" Jennifer looked at him pointedly.

"I know," he shrugged and then stiffened, trying to cover it with a chuckle. "Coffee doesn't affect me – never kept me awake before."

"Lucky you," Jenn smiled. "I just look at caffeine before bedtime and I'm awake the whole night."

"That probably comes in handy for a doctor though," Evan suggested.

Jennifer laughed. "The notorious double shifts," she said in agreement. They lapsed into silence for a few moments before Lorne straightened in his chair.

"Listen Doc, I hate to leave you by yourself but I should get to bed," he said casually.

"Of course," Jenn nodded.

"Okay, well, see you around," he stood and was halfway to turning when her words stopped him cold.

"Before you go to your quarters Major I need you to report to the infirmary." Jennifer stood too, watching him and seeing the way he tensed again.

"Sorry?" Evan looked at her, his expression carefully blank.

"I need you in the infirmary," Jennifer repeated. "You don't look well."

"I'm fine Doc," Evan insisted. "I'd just be wasting your time."

"It's my time to waste Major," Jenn persisted stubbornly, "and if there's nothing wrong with you then you won't mind my checking you."

"Nurse Harper checked me out after the mission," Evan smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "It's all there in my file."

"I'm sure it is," Keller narrowed her eyes. "In fact I'm sure if I look closely I'll find that you've carefully dotted all your I's and crossed all your T's."

"There you go then," Evan turned again, intent on leaving despite her demands.

"Major Lorne, do I really need to bring Colonel Carter into this?" Jennifer asked quietly.

"I said I'm fine Doctor Keller," Lorne's tone was irritated and impatient now. "Just please, leave it alone, okay?"

"I can't do that," Jennifer moved closer and going on instinct, grasped his right forearm firmly. She didn't use any real level of force but he flinched hard, paling even more. He staggered as he tried to step back and she wasn't sure he wouldn't have fallen if she hadn't moved in to brace him. "Right, you're fine," she said impatiently, letting go of his arm and putting a hand to his forehead. "You're running a temperature too!" she confirmed her earlier suspicion, angry now. "That's it," she took his good arm this time, pulling him along behind her. "You're going to the infirmary now – just think about digging your heels in and I'm calling Ronon."

"Fine," Evan submitted to her urgings reluctantly. He was realistic enough to know the game was up, his mind already churning over how to explain himself without sounding like he was crazy. That and damage control ... maybe if he threw himself on her mercy she'd agree to keep this one between them. He was regretting that he'd never taken the time to get to know her – that might have come in handy right about now.

Jennifer kept silent all the way to the infirmary, not saying anything until she had him up on one of the exam beds. She looked at him expectantly, her eyes on his arm and then back on his face.

"Major," she said pointedly.

Reluctantly Evan pulled his shirt up and over his head, running his left hand through his hair after dropping it beside him. Down to his air force singlet, the condition of his arm stood out like a sore thumb.

When Jennifer saw the bandage, competent and freshly applied, she scowled. "You did this?" she asked, cutting the knot and slowly unwrapping it.

"Ah – yeah," Evan admitted reluctantly. She'd surprised him so far – he'd never given her much thought beyond the fact that she'd replaced Carson but had always assumed she'd be less forceful than she was being. Before moving into the CMO role Lorne would have said she was quiet, nervous, not exactly comfortable on Atlantis. Obviously she'd found some confidence in her new role.

"Well next time leave the doctoring to us Major," Jennifer returned sternly. She pursed her lips once the arrow puncture was revealed, probing the area surrounding the wound with a frown. Lorne couldn't help the pained groan that escaped nor the way he stiffened in protest, earning another disapproving look from Keller.

"Arrow?" she asked, getting a silent nod of confirmation. "And I bet you just yanked it out, didn't you?" Jennifer didn't wait for his response, muttering under her breath about stupid, macho flyboys even as she gently began cleaning out the wound. "You're lucky you didn't do even more damage," she said.

"I guess," Lorne returned, shifting uncomfortably. Her attentions were bringing the pain back to the surface big time, but he'd rather ask a Wraith on a date than admit that to her.

"In all likelihood this is more than half way to infected," Jennifer shook her head. "You realise that if we'd attended to this straight away you'd be fine now right?"

Evan shrugged, not meeting her eyes.

"Whatever possessed you to hide this Major?" Jennifer touched his arm, waiting for him to look at her. "This is irresponsible – and frankly you're the last person I'd expect to avoid treatment. At least according to your file."

"I know," Evan grimaced. "Look, can you do whatever needs doing first? I promise I'll explain after." When she looked at him sceptically he covered the hand she still had on his arm with his. "Please Doc?"

"Okay!" Jennifer said in exasperation. "I'll do what I can but then you're telling me everything ... and I do mean everything Major. No more hiding."

"Right," Evan agreed weakly.

* * *

"I didn't deliberately try to make this worse," Lorne began. Doctor Keller had cleaned out the wound, stitched it, bandaged it and then pumped him full of antibiotics. It galled to admit that he already felt better, although whether he was being admitted overnight or not depended on his explanation.

"So, no need to call in Doctor Heightmeyer then," Jenn commented.

"I'd really rather you didn't," Evan admitted. They were in her office and it was a lot smaller than he liked ... it made everything too ... intimate.

"So tell me then," Jenn invited in a gentle voice.

"I ah ... sure, okay," Lorne looked up at her quickly and then back down, focussing on his hands. "You've seen my file so you know that apart from the routine stuff we all have to do I haven't personally needed medical services all that often. Spent plenty of time here waiting for someone to wake up but I've been pretty lucky, most of the time."

"You don't like doctors," Jennifer concluded with a frown.

"No, yes ... I mean, that's not it," Evan explained. "I never spent a lot of time here as a patient but my team's had plenty of missions with a doctor along – protection detail. Mostly that was Doctor Beckett." He paused, waiting for Keller to make the connection.

"You and Carson were friends?" she asked uncertainly.

"Carson was friends with everyone," Lorne said with a fond smile. "He could charm the birds out of the sky."

"I know," Jennifer's voice was a little wistful as she met Evan's eyes. "That's how he managed to get me out here – he just turned on that Scottish brogue, gave me a cheeky grin, and I couldn't say no."

Evan smiled, easily able to imagine how it had gone down.

"So that's it? That's your explanation?" Jennifer's brow rose as he nodded wordlessly. "You and Carson were friends so you decided to not avail yourself of needed medical attention? You're gonna have to do better than that Major if you want to avoid me reporting this to both Colonel Carter and Doctor Heightmeyer."

"Look, I just didn't want to be here, okay," Evan said impatiently and a little defensively. "Carson was a friend and I'm not ready to start acting like he never existed!"

"Having a wound cleaned and stitched by another doctor doesn't mean you've forgotten Carson!" Jennifer shot back incredulously. "He wouldn't want you to risk your own health Major – what do you think he'd say if he were here right now?"

"What, you mean after he'd smacked the back of my head and then chained me to the nearest bed?" Lorne joked. Jennifer looked at him pointedly, waiting for a serious answer. "Fine, he'd have told me not to be so bloody daft," a hint of Scotland accompanied those last words and had Jenn smiling.

"Exactly," she said firmly.

"That's all well and good in theory," Evan said sadly, "but in reality every time I come in here I'm just reminded that Carson's gone." Before Jenn could say anything he was speaking again, his tone suddenly angry. "Do you know what I was doing that Sunday afternoon? Painting! I was standing on a balcony with a brush in my hand while he risked his life to save someone. That should have been my job, not his."

"You'd have preferred it to have been you?" Jennifer asked gently.

"Hell yes," Lorne said immediately. "It's my job to lay it all on the line to protect the civilians. It wasn't his. He should be here continuing what he started, not ...," Evan swallowed back the harsh description he'd been about to utter. "I come in here and it's all I can think about Doc. That and the what if's. What if I'd put away my brush and gone fishing with him instead?"

"And if you had, maybe we'd be mourning for a lot more people than we are," Jennifer pointed out. "That explosion could have happened in a populated area – without Carson around to make all the connections it probably would have."

"I know!" Evan said impatiently. Pressing his palms against his eyes he sighed. "I _know_ that okay," he said, looking back to Jennifer. "It's not logical Doc ... I get that, I just ...," he trailed off, shaking his head. He didn't know how to explain it any better than he had but he needed to try. "It just seems like that was Sunday and as soon as it clicked over to Monday it was business as usual again. I know it has to be that way but we've lost a lot of people lately – including Carson and Doctor Weir – maybe I'm just a little low on being able to brush them all under the carpet so I can do my job as usual."

It was a long speech for the Major, and Jennifer listened carefully, to what he said and to what he didn't say. He'd surprised her ... displayed a level of emotion, of caring that she wouldn't have expected. Not that Jenn thought military men didn't have feelings, but she wouldn't have put them even in the middle of the sensitivity scale. Evan Lorne had dispelled that thinking by being a lot more sensitive than she would have given him credit for. That intrigued her ... had her looking at him closer than she ever had before.

"Before today, were there other times you avoided the infirmary, since Carson?" she asked lightly.

"I was always careful to get all the boxes ticked," Lorne admitted. "I think it's been luck so far that I didn't need anything else."

"And you don't have a problem with me personally?" Jennifer continued.

"What? No, of course not," Evan shot back. Realising how his behaviour could be taken he winced. "I don't have any concerns about your skills Doctor Keller ... I don't know you that well but you wouldn't be here if you weren't good at what you do."

"Well thank you Major," Jennifer said, amused. "Okay, this is what we're going to do. You're free to return to your quarters tonight and as long as your temperature is back to normal in the morning you're also cleared for your mission. I won't add anything apart from the injury and treatment to your record but that comes with conditions Major."

"Which are?" So far it sounded like he was getting off lightly.

"You submit to getting that arm looked at regularly until I say it's no longer required," Jennifer said firmly. "I'm happy to do that personally – you don't even have to come to the infirmary. In fact, we'll make it house calls only for you – until you're ready to look at the infirmary as just a place instead of a betrayal of Carson. And you talk to someone about grief - Kate or someone else you feel comfortable with. Deal?" She held out a hand, waiting for his reply.

"Deal," Evan smiled, taking her hand and shaking it firmly. Her grip was stronger than she looked and he felt a jolt as his eyes locked with hers for a moment. That close he could see that they were a mix of brown and green ... pretty. In fact he was suddenly noticing that Doctor Jennifer Keller was a very attractive woman. "_Get a grip Evan_," he told himself. They'd just had a difficult conversation – emotional – of course there was a level of intimacy attached to that but it didn't mean anything. "Doc, I don't know how to thank you for this," he said aloud.

"You can start by calling me Jennifer," Keller shot back. "I get more than enough of being 'Doc' around here but everyone insists on continuing. You're the first person I can actually make call me by my first name."

"Sure ... Jennifer," Lorne smiled. "I guess it's only fair that you get to call me Evan then."

"Very gracious of you Major," Jennifer said dryly.

"Evan," Lorne insisted, his expression sincere.

"Okay," Jennifer smiled. "I'm glad we had this little chat ... Evan. Now you need to get out of here and get some sleep – otherwise I will have to pull your Gate travel pass for tomorrow and we don't want that do we."

"No Ma'am," a smile played over Lorne's face as she frowned at that. Getting up he made it all the way to the door before stopping. Turning back he smiled. "Thanks Jennifer. For everything."

"Any time Evan," Jenn returned with a smile of her own.

**Authors Note:**

This was an idea that's been lurking in the back of my mind, now getting in the way of me continuing with Forlorn Hope. So I thought I'd just get it down quickly. This one also has it's beginnings in Kavan's Impressions SGA audio drama (I know! The whole thing just inspires me!!). There's a small section there where he talks about Keller that had me thinking about how it was they came to be friends. This story is my take on that – it's the one chapter for now but I could continue and make it a full story???


	2. Passion

**Chapter 2: Passion**

"Good morning Evan," Jennifer carried her tray over to the Major's table, greeting him with a friendly smile that had his team looking on with sudden interest.

"Hey Jennifer," Lorne replied, noticing the interest and trying not to groan at what he knew would come next. "You want to join us?" he felt compelled to offer the invitation even though he knew it would only make things worse.

"Thank you," Jennifer sat down next to him, smiling at everyone before turning her attention to her breakfast.

"How come the Boss gets to call you by your first name Doc?" Nate Coughlin asked the inevitable question.

"That's a good question Sergeant," Jennifer replied, casting Evan a teasing look. It had been a week since she'd busted him for hiding his injury, a week where she'd enjoyed the opportunity to get to know him better. He still intrigued her ... too much if the amount of time she spent thinking about him was any indicator. Now she was interested in seeing how he'd respond.

"What?" Evan saw that Jennifer was looking at him expectantly. "You sure you want _me _to explain?" When she nodded, he gave her a wicked smile that made his blue eyes twinkle and had her insides jumping. "She blackmailed me into it," Lorne told his men simply.

"I did not!" Jennifer shot back. "If you hadn't - ,"

"Now, now," Evan quickly touched a finger to her lips, shutting her up instantly. "Patient Doctor Confidentiality Jennifer."

"I'll give you confidentiality," Jennifer muttered, shifting back from his touch with a faint blush. God, why was she doing that? She'd touched him plenty of times during the week - every time she'd checked his arrow wound and re-bandaged it in fact - without reacting ... much. Thank God he was almost healed now and no longer required those daily house calls. Once she'd removed his stitches they could go back to normal.

"You let her blackmail you Sir?" Dan Reed asked, casting a shy smile Jennifer's way.

"Have you seen the size of some of those needles they've got in the infirmary?" Lorne shot back. "A smart man knows when to cut his losses."

"So what you're saying is that you're scared of a few harmless needles," Jennifer clarified, earning chuckles from his team.

"Maybe," Evan returned. He looked at her then, letting his eyes rest on hers before he deliberately shifted his gaze to her lips and then back again. "Or maybe I just wanted to call you Jennifer ... _Jennifer_."

Jenn swallowed abruptly, breaking into a coughing fit when the sip of coffee she'd just taken went down the wrong way.

"Here ... let me help you with that," Lorne slapped her gently on the back a few times, struggling not to laugh. He'd gotten to know Jennifer a bit better the past week, enough to know that she was too easily teased at times. And if he liked that about her a little too much ... that and the way she seemed to care about everything and everyone ... well that was his little secret.

"I am going to get you back for this, you realise that right?" Jennifer said under her breath, putting on a smile for their audience.

"Give it your best shot," Evan returned, throwing back the challenge in a low tone.

Jennifer smiled - a kind of secretive, womanly smile - and suddenly he was wondering if maybe he should have been a little smarter. She was the CMO after all - and had already proven she could be just as tough and stubborn as he was when she thought something was important. She had access to _stuff _too ... but she liked him right? They'd become friends in the past week ... surely enough that she wouldn't want to embarrass him too much.

"You don't scare me," he told her firmly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, we'll have to see what we can do about that!" Jennifer almost laughed when he swallowed visibly. This was kind of fun ... this back and forth teasing that she'd never really attempted with anyone else before.

"You're in trouble now Boss," Coughlin said with a grin. Dave Parish held in a laugh, watching Lorne with scientific interest. They didn't know exactly what their CO was talking about but him being challenged by Doctor Keller had all of them waiting to see what would happen next.

Lorne smiled good-naturedly, enjoying the way Jennifer's face lit up when she was happy. He'd noticed in the past week that her eyes were changeable depending on her mood ... more brown than green when she was concentrating hard or worried about something, almost totally green when she was tired or unhappy. God, listen to him. It sounded like he'd spent an inordinate amount of time considering the colour of her eyes - which he hadn't. He was just ... observant ... and the way they shifted shades appealed to the artist in him. It was as simple as that.

"I have to get back to the infirmary," Jennifer finished her coffee and stood. "Thanks for the company guys."

Coughlin and Reed piped up with comments about it being their pleasure, raising a smile to her face again. Doctor Parish added that he hoped they'd see her at breakfast again soon. Evan remained silent, just nodding and letting them speak for him too, not really paying that much attention. That's why he jumped slightly when she leaned down and spoke close to his ear.

"I'll come and take your stitches out when my shift ends," she whispered. Her breath tickled his ear, made the hairs stand up on the back of his neck and had an unsettling heat creeping over him.

"Sure, right," Evan replied, turning slightly to look at her and then wishing he hadn't when it put his face too close to hers. He watched her swallow, watched her eyes dart to his lips before she blushed bright red and then straightened quickly enough that she almost clocked him one.

"Bye," she said too cheerfully before turning and almost running from the Mess Hall.

"What was that all about?" Reed asked curiously.

"I have _no _idea," Lorne replied, eyes still on the doors she'd disappeared through.

"The Boss likes the Doc," Coughlin told Reed and Parrish conspiratorially.

"I don't!" Lorne protested immediately. Coughlin grinned as though that reaction confirmed his suspicions ... and maybe it did. Lorne had gotten a little confused about Doctor Jennifer Keller since their conversation in her office ... this latest episode only adding to that. He wasn't interested in forming any kind of relationship – even with someone as captivating as Jennifer, and had no idea what he'd been thinking, leaning in and teasing her like that ... "_flirting_" his conscience insisted.

"Sure you do Sir," Coughlin insisted. "We _all _do ... just not as much as you," he added under his breath.

"I heard that Sergeant," Evan pinned his team 2IC with a stern look. "You want to take that back? Think carefully before you answer."

Coughlin frowned, considered the various ways his CO could punish him, starting with the worst watch shift the next time they were off world, and shrugged. "I guess I take it back then Sir," he said finally, making his voice hesitant and unconvincing.

"Good man," Lorne grinned, stood and slapped a hand to Nate's shoulder. "Now pick up the pace - we've got a mission briefing in half an hour."

Not waiting for an response, Evan turned and left the Mess Hall, putting the conversation and his thoughts about Jennifer Keller to the back of his mind.

* * *

Jennifer stood in the hallway outside Major Lorne's quarters, looking to her left and right a little nervously. Not that she had anything to be nervous about – meeting Evan there certainly wasn't restricted in any way. It was just ... she wondered what people would think if they saw her standing there, waiting for him ... _outside his quarters_. Did that suggest ... familiarity ... intimacy?

Glancing at her watch again she debated just leaving – it wasn't like him to be late so clearly he'd been delayed by work. She could remove his stitches the following morning just as easily as she could right then.

"Jennifer!" She'd turned away and taken a couple of steps when Evan's voice stopped her.

Turning back she watched him stride towards her ... more than watched actually. He captured her full attention so much that she didn't realise she was staring at him. He was still in uniform ... the black one all the guys looks good in ... but on Evan it seemed to bring out things she'd begun noticing too much. Like how blue his eyes were ... and how they seemed to look into her like he was reading every secret she'd ever tried to keep. And his smile ... God, she loved his smile. The really genuine one you didn't see very often, the one that took over his whole face and made him ... shine. She couldn't help but note that Evan was built too – muscular but not Neanderthal about it – since she'd spent so much time treating his arm she'd formed quite the appreciation for how hot a nicely muscled male arm could be – Evan's in particular. She'd taken to wondering what it would be like to feel those arms around her, holding her, lifting her up. "_Get a grip Keller!_" she told herself, blinking when she noticed something else just as Evan stopped in front of her.

"You cut your hair," she said stupidly. He had it styled slightly longer on top but most of it was very short, the strands hugging the contours of his skull and making him look younger somehow. And hotter ... with the eyes and the smile and _God_, the dimples ... what was a girl supposed to do?

"Yeah, I do that sometimes," he quipped, amused.

"It's ...nice," Jennifer said lamely, turning away before he could see another blush sweeping over her face. "_God, what is wrong with you?_" she thought.

"Well thank you Ma'am," Evan smiled. "Sorry I kept you waiting ... we're talking resupply lists with the science departments and McKay's list was unrealistic _again_. It took a little longer than usual to talk him down to something reasonable."

"That's okay," Jennifer said quickly. "Look, I can come back and do this tomorrow morning, if you'd rather?"

"Nah, now's good," Evan swiped his hand over the door controls, motioning for her to precede him inside.

Jennifer hesitated a moment and then walked in, wondering why today it felt too intimate to be in his space even though she'd visited him there every day for the past week. Maybe it was because of the way he'd looked at her that morning – how she'd reacted when he'd gotten so close ... she knew he'd only been teasing but inside she was still unsettled by her own reaction. It was like the act of breathing in his air had suddenly ripped a veil from her eyes and now she couldn't pretend she wasn't attracted to him.

Evan pulled out his desk chair, turning it so he could straddle it and rest his arm on the back.

"Right," Jennifer smiled weakly, taking the small medical kit from her pocket. Focussing on the familiar act of preparing her tools helped her regain her professional edge. Folding up his sleeve she looked at the wound closely and then nodded. "This looks fine," she said, grabbing her scissors and tweezers. "I'll just ...," she trailed off, competently snipping each stitch and then pulling it out. Evan didn't flinch, just watched her work, his eyes on the top of her head as she bent over him, his expression unreadable. "All done," Jennifer finally said, straightening and quickly cleaning up her things.

"Thanks Jennifer," Evan glanced down at his arm, the wound nothing more than a red line against his skin now.

"You're welcome," Jennifer smiled, letting her eyes meet his before quickly looking away. "Okay, well I should leave you to your evening," she said, heading straight for the door.

"Jenn," Evan's voice stopped her again.

Holding in a sigh Jennifer turned and faced him. "Yes?"

"Is everything okay?" Evan asked. "Because you seem a little ... jumpy."

"I'm not jumpy!" Jennifer snapped out. Groaning, she put a hand over her face, shaking her head.

"Right, of course you're not," Evan returned, watching her closely.

"I'm not ... I'm just ... I ...," Jennifer had no way to explain herself without admitting that she was too aware of him ... as a man. That was an embarrassing conversation they didn't need to have. "I have to go," she said hurriedly, rushing towards the door.

The only problem was that it didn't open automatically like she'd expected. Frowning she swiped her hand over the controls manually but still didn't get the result she was after. How had he locked it without her even noticing?

"I don't know how you're doing that but can you let me out please?" she said without looking back at him.

"I can but ... you don't have to rush off," Evan told her. Getting up he followed her to where she stood a step away from the door, putting his hands on her shoulders and turning her around gently. "You're helping me with the whole house calls thing and I'd like to return the favour, now that we're friends and all."

"I don't need any help Major," Jennifer reverted back to ranks to create some distance. "Everything is a-okay with me. So just open the door, please."

"You're sure nothing's wrong?" Evan persisted. He wasn't sure why he was being so stubborn about it, just that something in her manner had him worried.

"Yes, I'm _sure_," Jennifer said impatiently.

"And you know you can talk to me about anything – I won't judge you?" Evan asked.

Jennifer felt herself soften at his words. Smiling she looked up at him. "Thank you," she said softly.

Evan smiled back ... she kept her eyes on his and he was doing the same back. The moments were passing as they stared at each other before finally one of them blinked and broke the spell they'd fallen under. Lorne quickly dropped his hands, letting her take a step back.

"Major," Jennifer looked pointedly at the door and then back to him.

"Oh ... right," Evan glanced at it almost absently, already back to looking at Jennifer before it had slid fully open.

"That's a neat trick," Jennifer complimented him on her way out. "You should teach me that one ... would come in handy for the more reluctant of my overnight patients."

"Ah ... sure," Evan didn't tell her it was a gene thing. Since she didn't have a natural gene any explanation on his part would be lost on her. He watched her smile, check to make sure she had all her things and then exit too quickly, leaving him with some pretty disturbing thoughts.

All teasing aside, he'd discovered that he was totally attracted to Doctor Jennifer Keller. The only thing he had to do now was work out what the hell he was going to do about it.

* * *

After a night of restless tossing and turning Evan had come to the conclusion that doing anything with regard to Jennifer would be a _bad _idea. He'd avoided the whole 'dating' thing the past few years ... because Atlantis was a small place - _too _small - and the last thing he needed was complications. He was in charge of personnel placements for the military and had a fair hand in the civilian side of things too. That and being Sheppard's second meant there was pretty much no one in the city he could avoid for long without drawing attention to himself. That degree of notoriety was okay when you barely knew someone but if he let himself step over the line with Jennifer her position and his would force them into a continued association if things went pear shaped. No, best to play it smart and step back a little. They'd only been friends a week - his arm was healed now - there was no reason why things should be awkward.

Glancing at his watch and realising he was in danger of being late, Lorne quickly grabbed his jacket and shoved his arms in the sleeves as he strode from his room ...

... straight into the startled form of Jennifer Keller.

He had to grab her quickly, spinning them both to stop her from falling to the floor. Which was how he ended up with his body plastering Jennifer to the wall. He could feel her heart beating rapidly, her breath panting in and out as though she'd been running before their collision. And every time she took a breath it pressed her chest into his, setting his own heart rate to soaring.

Neither of them said anything - they just looked at each other, each reading the other's expression. Evan wasn't sure was possessed him ... well actually he _was _- it was called desire and it ripped up from some hidden place inside him and grabbed him by the throat. He was kissing Jennifer before his rational mind had time to catch up and remind him he'd already decided that would be a bad idea.

Jennifer's struggle to get her breath back was derailed the instance Evan's lips touched hers - _took _hers. The thought never crossed her mind that perhaps she should resist, that they were in a public corridor and she'd come to his room for an entirely different purpose. It wasn't just any old first kiss either - Evan kissed her like a man who knew the woman of his focus had been waiting for him to do just that, like she was his for the taking. Jennifer's head was spinning ... she felt ... hot, all the way down to her toes. God, Evan Lorne should carry a warning label that read DANGER: DO NOT KISS. The moan that escaped her when he deepened it, claiming her with his tongue, luring her to give as good as she was getting, would be something she'd blush over for weeks to come.

And then he lifted her - just a little, just enough to align their bodies even closer - and her heart almost jumped out of her chest. "_You're a doctor - you know hearts can't jump out of chests!_" the rational half of her said scornfully. "_Shut up - busy here_," the rest of her returned. "_God, I'm losing my mind,"_ she thought. _"No, Evan Lorne is stealing it!" _She was right about one thing though - gathered into him, having those arms of his lifting her like she weighed nothing, was a sexual experience all in its own right. She was in so much trouble here!

The sound of footsteps coming down the corridor didn't break them apart. Someone clearing their throat didn't either. It was only a too amused voice barking out a "Major Lorne!" that had them ripping away from each other.

Jennifer leaned her weight against the wall, not sure her legs were quite steady enough to hold her up without it. She was looking straight at Evan so she saw the confusion that rose into his eyes, watched, dismayed, as it turned into something that looked too much like remorse.

"Sir?" Evan looked at his CO as blandly as he could, everything about his demeanour trying to suggest that he was totally okay about being caught with his tongue half-way down Jennifer Keller's throat. He was breathing too hard and trying like hell to control it, every cell in his body still too aware of Jennifer standing across from him.

Sheppard looked from his 2IC to Jennifer's blushing face and then back again. "I wouldn't have interrupted Major," John said, amused at their reactions, "but you're blocking the hallway."

"Ah - right Sir," Lorne shifted quickly, slamming his back to the wall beside Jennifer's. "Sorry Sir."

"No problem ... carry on," Sheppard waited until he was around the corner before chuckling. If he wasn't mistaken he'd just witnessed a first between Evan and their CMO - one that had taken them both by surprise. Watching what played out next was going to be very interesting ... and just might help solve a problem he'd been mulling over for weeks.

Evan waited until John had disappeared around the corner before relaxing his posture. He shot Jennifer a glance and then pushed himself off the wall, rubbing his hands over his face. "I am _so _sorry Jennifer," he said earnestly. "I don't know _what _I was thinking but I promise that will _never _happen again."

Jennifer looked at him in shocked amazement. "Did you miss the part where I participated?"

"Sorry?" Evan blinked, not sure he'd heard her right.

"What if I _want _it to happen again?" Jennifer demanded, her anger giving her an uncharacteristic forwardness and confidence.

Evan didn't have a comeback for that. She'd totally surprised him and he was floundering to find his footing. "You ah ... you don't think this was a mistake?" he asked uncertainly.

"Well sure, trying to consume each other outside your quarters probably wasn't the smartest thing to do," Jennifer agreed, trying not to take too much delight in the fact that she had him totally on the back foot now. "But apart from that, no I don't think this was a mistake."

Evan just looked at her ... his eyes locked to hers while his mind scrambled for something intelligent to say. When nothing occurred to him he rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. "I have no idea what to say to you right now."

"Then go away and think about it," Jennifer said solicitously. "I'm sure something will come to you." With that she turned and walked away, leaving Evan standing there watching her go. "I bet you're scared of me now," she muttered with a satisfied grin.

**Authors Note:**

So, obviously I decided to continue this story after all! It's not that long and already written, and I'm still not sure about it, especially given the very nice Lorne/Keller fics that seem to be emerging right now. I wanted to start posting today because I've got a special chapter planned for tomorrow ... because it's Kavan's birthday of course! Hope you can all tune in for that! Thanks for reading.


	3. Occasion

**Chapter 3: Occasion**

Of course the bravado she'd shown Evan only got Jennifer as far as her office. And then all the doubts assailed her and she dropped weakly to her chair, wondering what had come over her. Sure, Evan had kissed her - had seemed like he was enjoying it too - but that didn't mean _he _wanted to do it again. What had possessed her to challenge him like that? She'd barely known the man a week in real terms even though they'd been in the city together for two years. It was all moving too fast and if she were honest, the feeling of being out of control made her uncomfortable.

Luckily for her she wouldn't have to confront him again for a couple of days - his team was scheduled for an overnight mission and wouldn't be back until late the following day. That's why she'd gone to his quarters, to ... "oh, damn it!" Jennifer shot up from her seat again, quickening her steps as she headed for the Gateroom.

Evan was already standing in front of the gate, fully kitted out with the tac vest and the P90 and an all business expression. He looked dangerous and sexy and ... "_don't go there Jenn_," she told herself. He was talking to Reed and didn't notice her approach until she was right in front of him.

"Jennifer?" Evan's brows rose when he saw her standing there, shifting from foot to foot nervously.

"I ah ... I forgot to tell you something before," Jennifer began, speaking too quickly. "Although that was hardly my fault ... you distracted me," she added defensively. She looked at Reed standing next to his CO with an expression on his face that said he found their conversation more than a little interesting, and swallowed nervously.

"What did you want to tell me?" Evan took her elbow and steered her away from his team, giving them a small measure of privacy.

"Well actually I wanted to say something and then give you this," Jennifer handed him an envelope, watching his face as he took it with a puzzled expression. "Happy Birthday," she whispered softly, taking her courage firmly in hand and leaning up to kiss his cheek.

He seemed stunned, and she wondered if she'd done the wrong thing. Maybe no one knew it was his birthday for a reason.

"How did you ...?" Evan turned the envelope over in his hands like he'd never seen one before.

"CMO privilege," Jennifer said simply. "I looked at your file last week and I just noticed the date ... because it was so close I guess and because it's a milestone birthday. You don't mind, do you?"

"Ah ... no," Evan was actually lost for words. Birthdays came and went and he honestly didn't pay them much attention. It wasn't his thing ... maybe because birthdays always put you centre stage and he'd never enjoyed being there. He hadn't kept it a secret as such; he'd just never mentioned it and no one else had thought to either. Until Jennifer. "I ah ... I appreciate it Jennifer. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Jennifer smiled. "You might want to open that card when you're alone though ... initially I was thinking to embarrass you with your team - revenge for that blackmail comment - but after this morning ...," she broke off, blushing again.

"Right," Evan stood for a moment, innocent looking envelope in hand, and wondered what in the hell she'd put in there. "Right," he said again, stuffing it inside his tac vest. "I'll do that." He looked at her, standing there so uncertain but so determined too and couldn't help but acknowledge that somehow. Raising a hand he brushed it lightly over her hair, ending with a teasing tug of her pony tail. "I've gotta go," he told her.

Stepping back she smiled. "Of course. Have a nice day Evan."

"You too Jennifer," Evan returned, the two of them unconsciously moving closer to the gate again, to where his team were all waiting. "I'll ah ... I'll see you when I get back."

"Hey Doc, you looking for a spot on the team today?" Coughlin asked, teasing. Reed and Parish moved closer, all of them looking at the Doctor expectantly.

"Why, are you planning on needing medical attention?" Jennifer asked pointedly. "Because we've got a new shipment of needles ... extra sharp."

"Ah ... no, no," Coughlin held up his hands innocently.

"Dial it up Chuck," Evan looked up to the Control Room and made that circular motion all the team leaders used to signal the dialling sequence. "Say goodbye to the Doc Coughlin."

"Goodbye to the Doc Coughlin," Nate repeated obediently.

Evan rolled his eyes with a long suffering sigh, getting a laugh out of Jennifer. "Good help is _so _hard to come by," he quipped.

She was still chuckling when the wormhole stabilised and Lorne's team got the go ahead to proceed. Jenn didn't usually stand around watching the teams leave but something made her stick today as one by one the four men disappeared through the event horizon. Evan was last ... he glanced back and gave her one of those rare genuine smiles that had her heart stumbling before he disappeared too. She was still standing there, lost in thought when the gate shut down.

"So, you and the Major huh?"

Jennifer jumped, putting a hand over her heart as she turned to John. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" she protested.

"I didn't sneak," John said innocently. "I guess your attention was elsewhere."

"Oh," Jennifer glanced around, relieved that her impromptu farewell scene with Evan hadn't had too big an audience. "Sorry." She smiled awkwardly, nodding and then headed for the infirmary.

"So ... how long has this been going on Doc?" John fell into step beside her.

"How long has _what_ been going on?" Jennifer shot back evasively as they walked into the infirmary.

"You ... Major Lorne ... public kisses ... touching farewells ... should I go on?"

"No!" Jennifer grabbed John's arm and pulled him into her office. "Okay - what do you want?"

"Nothing," John insisted. "I'm happy for you okay. I was just gonna say that I approve."

"Well, that's all well and good Colonel but I don't need your approval for who I can date," Jennifer retorted irritably.

"So you _are _dating Major Lorne!" John grinned when Jennifer growled in frustration.

"_No_ ... yes ... I don't know!" Jennifer paced away and then turned back to him. "Don't you dare tell anyone about this!"

"Wasn't planning on it ... although you do realise I could make a killing in the betting pools right now," Sheppard held up his hands, the picture of innocence, when Jennifer glared at him accusingly. "Hey, I said I _could_, not that I was going to."

"Okay," Jennifer deflated suddenly, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"You want some advice?" Sheppard asked quietly. It wasn't usual for him to dip into what was strictly a personal situation, but he had his reasons this time, driven by more than just his regard for both Major Lorne and Doctor Keller. And talking personal stuff was always easier when it wasn't about _you_.

"I don't know, do I?" Jennifer returned.

"He's a good man Jenn ... one of the best," John said simply. "Don't let him step back."

"But what if he really doesn't want this?" Jennifer asked uncertainly.

"Oh trust me, he wants it," Sheppard smirked. "I hate to embarrass you by mentioning it but from what I saw this morning, _both _of you want this."

"God," Jennifer hid her blush behind her hands. Peering out at John she groaned before dropping her hands. "That was ... well I don't know what it was but lust had a pretty big part. You and I both know there's a huge gap between lust and having a relationship. You might want the first without having any interest in the second."

"True, and I know you don't know Lorne that well yet," John agreed. "I do, so believe me when I tell you he's not the type to go for one without the other. Why do you think the betting pool on him is so high? As far as I know you're the first woman he's even looked at in the romantic sense since he's been here."

"Really?" Jennifer asked with a mixture of hope and delight.

"Yeah," John shrugged. "So like I said - don't give him room to back away. Lorne'll do the honourable thing even when it's not required. You might have to be pretty blatant to get the message through."

"I'm not sure I _can _be," Jennifer admitted. "I mean, I know I'm talking to you about it, no problem, but with Evan it's different."

"That's because you don't want to jump my bones," Sheppard pointed out teasingly.

"Oh I don't know Colonel," Jennifer returned sagely. "You are quite attractive _and _in demand ... from what I've heard."

"Right, well my work here is done so I'll be going now," John said quickly, ignoring Jenn's laugh.

She waited until he was at the door before she spoke. "John ... thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

Evan waited until they'd completed day one of their mission, set up camp and all the guys had retired for the night leaving him taking first watch. Their negotiations with the two closest villages to the gate had gone well, each securing a much needed item in exchange for medical assistance from Atlantis. Hopefully the following days visits to two other villages would go equally well.

Not that they were admitting where they were from these days. As far as their contacts knew Atlantis had been destroyed and they'd all been made refugees. Lorne felt a little guilty telling that lie to everyone but it was necessary - if they were to have a real impact on the plight of these people they needed to be able to move freely around the galaxy without the Wraith being camped out at the door. Medical supplies and expertise were the hot item for trading - _everyone _wanted a doctor's visit and health checks for all their people. He'd have to bring Jennifer back to the planet within a few weeks to live up to their end of the bargain.

Thinking about Jennifer brought him back to the card she'd given him that morning ... staring down at it uncertainly he laughed quietly at himself. "_It's a birthday card Evan_," he told himself. "_It's not gonna bite_."

Opening it, he drew out the card, looking at the front under the light of his torch.

"_Life begins at 40_," he read. "_But so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person three or four times._" The words were accompanied by the sorriest looking cartoon guy he'd ever seen. It was appropriate and had him grinning even as he wondered where the hell Jennifer had managed to get a birthday card on such short notice.

Evan turned the front over to look inside, not sure he really wanted to know what else it said, but then started laughing as soon as he read what Jennifer had written.

"_Lucky for you, you have a Doctor around who can help you with all of these. __If __you play your cards right_." She'd underlined the 'if' more than once to make her point. "_Happy 40th Birthday Evan ... Jennifer_."

Realising he had a goofy grin on his face, Evan stuffed the card back in the envelope and returned it to the inside pocket of his vest. The fact that he fully intended to keep it was nobody's business but his.

"That what the Doc gave you this morning Sir?" Nate Coughlin asked from the shadows.

Okay, nobody's but his and his 2IC's. "Sorry?" Evan went for innocent obliviousness, knowing it wouldn't work. He might be the superior officer but you didn't build a team by standing on your rank every second of the day – at least not one he wanted to be a part of. He cut his guys some slack and in return they gave him their loyalty, their dedication, and their respect.

"The envelope Doctor Keller gave you this morning," Nate persisted. "The one you just opened that made you laugh Sir."

"Sorry if I disturbed you Sergeant," Evan replied.

"That's okay Sir," Nate grinned. "I was wondering how long it would take you to open it. Couldn't sleep for wondering about it."

"Well I'm sorry if my personal correspondence is keeping you awake," Lorne quipped. "Maybe you should get back to your tent - you've got the next watch and it'll be a long night if you don't get some sleep first."

"Yes Sir," Nate hesitated and then spoke again. "But just so you know, me and the guys approve. The Doc is one in a million."

"We're just friends," Evan felt compelled to point out.

"With all due respect Sir, if that's true then you're an idiot," Coughlin stated firmly. "She likes you Sir ... so if you can't man up? I'm not saying we'd question your leadership qualities Sir, but ...," he didn't finish, letting his CO fill in the blanks.

"Right," Evan felt the sudden urge to laugh, wondering when his ability to lead a team had begun to be measured by whether he could ask a woman out on a date or not. "Well, I'll take that under advisement."

"I hope so Sir," Coughlin replied.

"Goodnight Sergeant," Lorne said pointedly.

"Night, Sir." Nate stopped just outside the tent entrance. "Oh, and Sir?"

"Yes Sergeant?" Evan returned patiently.

"Happy Birthday."

**Authors Note:**

Yeah, maybe it's corny posting a chapter where Lorne has a birthday on Kavan Smith's birthday (although they're not the same day – Stargate wiki lists Lorne's birthday as being 22nd July 1970) – and it probably counts as false advertising to call this _special _when I said I had a special chapter planned, but there you go. I had the idea of posting something Lorne-centric on Kavan's birthday and I _have_ often wondered if you'd made a big deal of birthdays in a place like Atlantis (for morale boosting, team building etc) so I went with it! Oh, and the front of the birthday card comes from a Helen Rowland quote over at thinkexist.

More coming soon ....


	4. Defend

**Chapter 4: Defend**

Day two of their mission went just as well as day one ... until a single Wraith dart burst from the Gate and began culling the village. Lorne waded through the confusion, yelling for everyone to calm it down a little so that they could _all_ get to the cover of nearby caves.

It had taken too long but eventually the people had fallen into line, gathering what they could carry and hurrying through the trees. The dart screamed overhead, its beam searching the ground for prey. They lost a group of villagers early on but Evan made himself ignore it and tried to believe that it was okay because he couldn't save everyone, no matter how much he wished otherwise.

And then the Wraith beamed down three drone warriors and the battle shifted from hiding lives to protecting them. "Reed, take Parish," Lorne shouted. "Head for the gate and call for reinforcements."

Reed reacted immediately, grabbing David's arm and dragging him away. Coughlin and Lorne put out covering fire, drawing the attention of the drones their way. They advanced in that mindless, insect fashion of theirs, impervious to their individual risk. Maybe that was because they weren't individuals, but just parts of the one whole hive. You break off a section it gets quickly replaced by another, like interchangeable pieces of Lego. To win you had to blow the crap out of the whole - difficult when in all likelihood the whole was a Wraith cruiser hovering in orbit.

To survive though all you had to do was release a hail of P90 fire ... the drones writhed and howled as the bullets pumped into them. It took too many to bring them down permanently and Evan wasn't surprised when the culling beam activated again only moments later, depositing more in the same spot.

"We hold them off as long as we can," he told Coughlin. Both men knew it would take Reed and Parish about half an hour even at full speed to get to the Gate. It was going to be tight.

"Yes Sir," Nate kept his focus ahead of him, trying to aim for the most vulnerable parts of the drones to minimise his ordinance usage.

* * *

"Major Lorne, report your status," the welcome voice of Colonel Sheppard came through their radios ahead of schedule only twenty minutes later.

"We're pinned down and taking heavy fire Sir," Lorne shouted, flinching when a shot from a Wraith stun gun got a little too close. "And we're low on ammo."

"How many?"

"Three drones in our immediate vicinity," Lorne reported, firing a short blast to keep one of them back from their position. "We take 'em out and they keep getting replaced."

"So there's probably a cruiser in orbit," Sheppard concluded.

"Yes Sir," Lorne ducked low. "We're just lucky they haven't resorted to blowing us off the planet from space. There's a short pause between drone rounds. Recommend you send a cloaked Jumper to pick us up Sir."

"Acknowledged," John returned. "Sit tight Major, we'll be there in a few minutes. We're keeping the channel open so keep us up to date."

"Yes Sir," Lorne exchanged a relieved look with Coughlin before they both refocussed on the enemy.

Lucky for them the Cruiser was still sending down the worker ants so to speak. If they'd sent down a hunter or worse, one of their hive leaders, Evan and Nate wouldn't have lasted anywhere near as long. Of course, he'd no sooner had the thought than the culling beam responded, dropping one unmasked Wraith hunter into the clearing.

"Crap," Lorne muttered, ducking low. Checking his ammo he grimaced. Half a magazine was nowhere near enough. "Atlantis, this is Lorne. You might want to hurry that Jumper ride - we've got a Wraith Hunter closing in and I don't like how the ammo mathematics is coming out."

Coughlin popped up from cover, firing a short blast that seemed to do nothing more than piss the Wraith off. It roared, surging forward. Lorne stood too, opening fire as well. It all happened fast. The Wraith grabbed Coughlin and literally threw him away. The way Nate slammed into the nearest tree, the sickening sound of cracking bones as he hit the ground had Evan frozen for a millisecond. Nate lay unmoving and there was no way Lorne was going to let the Wraith take back any ground they'd won by feeding on his team mate. With a yell he surged forward, firing the last of his ammo knowing it wasn't going to be enough.

The Wraith howled, stumbling before turning its attention solely on Lorne. That was what he'd been hoping for ... he was running when he hit the Wraith, using his P90 as a battering ram he took the Hunter down to the ground. The Wraith hit out at him, slicing sharply across his back and shoulders with its sword but Lorne's forward momentum and the way he'd surprised his foe made him unstoppable. Pulling his knife Evan slammed it straight through the Wraith's cold yellow eye, twisting it savagely. "Regenerate that!" he spat out, jumping off the dead Wraith and stumbling over to Nate.

"That's some serious moves you've got there Sir," Nate groaned out when Lorne dropped to his knees beside him.

"We can critique my performance later," Lorne returned, eyes tracking over his friend urgently. For sure he had a broken arm, probably the left leg as well, not to mention his ribs. He had a nasty cut across his forehead too and Evan quickly pulled bandages and gauze from his tac vest, applying first aid as best he could to stop the bleeding. "Atlantis," he radioed in. "Requesting urgent medical attention - Sergeant Coughlin's injured, I can't tell exactly how bad."

"And the Wraith?" Sheppard asked.

"Down for the count Sir," Evan returned. "They haven't sent another one ... yet."

"Major, is Sergeant Coughlin conscious?" Jennifer's voice sent something through him that could have been relief or hope.

"Yes," he replied. "He's got a nasty cut to the forehead and I'd say for sure a broken arm and leg as well."

"Does he have feeling in his lower extremities?" Jennifer asked.

"Ah -," he looked at Nate questioningly, getting a pained nod in reply. "Yes he does ... he's in a fair degree of pain here Doc. Should I give him something?" Their kit carried a small dose of morphine for emergencies.

"Hold off on that," Jennifer said briskly. "Don't move him either. I should be there in a second."

"What?" Lorne looked up suddenly, seeing the Jumper materialise in front of him. It was Colonel Sheppard - he landed the craft quickly and lowered the hatch. Jennifer ran out, dropping to Coughlin's other side. Lorne had thought he was talking to her back on Atlantis when she must have been in the Jumper the whole time. "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"My job," Jennifer returned, her focus on Coughlin. Expertly she assessed his injuries, grabbing items from her field kit and quickly applying them. Compressed air casts for his arm and leg, a neck brace which she assured them was just a precautionary measure, and additional bandaging for his torso and head. "I need you to help me get him on a stretcher," she told Lorne when she was done. "Carefully - we don't want to put undue pressure on his back - just in case."

"Right," Lorne followed her instructions precisely, carefully slotting half the stretcher under Nate when she lifted him towards her and then pushing it forward when she did the same in the reverse. Ronon appeared as if by magic, helping Lorne to carry Coughlin to the waiting Jumper.

The sound of the dart screaming overhead just made them hurry even more. They had Nate secured when three more Hunters materialised where they'd just been working.

"McKay," Lorne snapped his fingers briskly, holding out his hand for the other mans weapon. Without protest Rodney unclipped the P90 and handed it over. "And the clips," Lorne added, taking them and stuffing them into his vest.

"Evan!" Jennifer's voice stopped him from running out to follow Sheppard and Ronon.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Evan gestured to Nate.

"If we can get him back to Atlantis fast enough, yes," Jennifer replied. "Where are you going?" She demanded when he nodded and moved to leave the Jumper again.

"To make sure that happens," he said simply.

"You're injured!"" Jennifer jumped up and grabbed his arm, pulling him around and putting a hand on his shoulder. At the resulting pain he suddenly remembered the Wraith's sword slashing him. He'd genuinely forgotten ... another case for the wonders of adrenalin.

"I'm fine," he told her firmly, taking her hand from his arm and squeezing it. "Take care of Nate," he added before breaking away. "McKay - fly this thing out of here," he ordered the scientist. "You can come back for us once the Doc has Coughlin safely back on Atlantis."

"But," McKay went to protest but something in Lorne's expression must have dissuaded him because he shut right up, moving quickly into the front section.

Evan didn't wait for more. Rushing out the back of the Jumper he ran for cover, firing his borrowed P-90 into the fray.

The Jumper rose a little into the air and then cloaked, rippling into nothingness. Lorne breathed a sigh of relief but it was short lived. Ronon had taken down one of the Hunters but the other two were alive and still strong and they were out for blood.

It took a concerted effort and a bucket load of bullets to bring the others down. This time the Wraith dart didn't reappear. Three rapid laser shots fired from the Wraith cruiser in orbit hit the trees a few paces away, sending up plumes of dirt and shaking the ground. Presumably the Wraith either falsely determined they were dead or wrote them off as not worth the effort of exterminating because nothing else happened. The forest went silent but for the sounds of three men breathing harshly.

"That was too close," Sheppard murmured, eyes still on the burning tree stumps that used to be 30 foot high trees.

"That it was Sir," Lorne returned, his feet not wanting to move from their safe position.

"This yours?" Ronon nudged the body of the first Wraith Hunter Lorne had taken down, his knife sticking grotesquely from its eye socket.

"Yeah," Lorne dropped to the ground, leaning forward and dropping his head onto his raised knees.

"Nice," Ronon complimented him.

"Lucky he came down here alone or I would have been shit out of knives," Lorne quipped back, earning a tired laugh from Sheppard.

"You sent the Jumper away?" he queried.

"Yes Sir," Lorne replied. "Had to - Je - Doctor Keller said the quicker she got Coughlin back to the gate the better his chances were."

"He'll be fine Major," John swallowed back his amusement at Lorne's stopping himself from calling the Doc by her first name. Had he forgotten it was John who'd seen them playing tonsil hockey the previous morning?

"Here," Ronon stopped by Lorne's feet, holding out the knife he'd wiped clean.

"Thanks," Lorne said tiredly, taking the knife and stowing it back in its holder.

"So, what's with you and Keller?" Ronon asked out of the blue.

"_What_?" Lorne shot John a look and got a shake of the head in return. He hadn't mentioned anything.

"Jacobs said she kissed you in the Gateroom yesterday," Ronon offered.

"_You _listen to gossip?" Evan wasn't sure why that fact surprised him so much.

"No," Ronon returned. "Sounded like fact to me. Is that wrong?"

"Yes ... no ... not exactly," Lorne sat up a little, wincing when his back brushed against the trunk as he rested his head back against the tree. "When's McKay gonna bring that Jumper back?" he complained, looking up at the sky.

"Not soon enough," John said with a chuckle. "You might as well cave Evan - Ronon never lets go once he's got a hold of something."

"Fine," Lorne shot a glare at his CO and then another one at the Satedan currently making his life miserable. "Jennifer did kiss me - on the check - but it was a platonic gesture okay, nothing more."

"She never kisses _me _before a mission," John murmured, getting a grin from Ronon.

"Well I'll be sure to tell her when it's your birthday next time so she can rectify that Sir," Lorne grumbled.

"Wait ... it was your birthday yesterday?" It was John's turn to be surprised. Sure, he knew Lorne had birthdays - everyone did. He just couldn't recall ever noticing before - although he hadn't exactly noticed this time either.

"Yes Sir," Evan gritted his teeth, looking back to the sky again. "_Come on McKay!_" he thought irritably, sure the scientist was taking his time just to piss Lorne off.

"And that would make you ...," Sheppard left it open for a response.

"A year older Sir," Lorne looked at his CO blandly, waiting for some kind of come back.

"I'd say irritated, wouldn't you Ronon?" John didn't disappoint.

"He doesn't look any different to me," Ronon shrugged.

"_Thank you_," Lorne said emphatically. "Now can we _please _talk about something other than my nonexistent romance with Doctor Keller?"

"What, you don't think she's good enough for ya?" Sheppard narrowed his eyes at Lorne warningly.

"What - no! I mean yes!" Lorne ran his hands through his hair in frustration, only the fact that he'd had it cut down to millimetres stopping it from sticking up every which way. "Of course she'd good enough - for _anyone_! We're just ... we're friends okay."

"That's not how it looked from where I was standing yesterday," John said seriously.

Lorne wasn't sure what he would have said back because finally McKay got his timing right, landing the uncloaking Jumper down in front of them.

"Did someone call for a taxi?" he called out once the rear hatch was down.

* * *

Lorne's team was waiting for him when he strode down the rear hatch once the Jumper was back in the bay on Atlantis.

"Nate?" he demanded, continuing to walk as Parish and Reed fell into step beside him. Maybe he should have waited for orders from Colonel Sheppard but the other man knew what it was like to have a team mate down. He'd understand the urgency to find out how bad it was.

"He's in surgery," Dan Reed replied. His face was a little pale and he had an edginess about him that said the situation was still serious.

"He's banged up pretty bad," Dave Parish added, "but Doctor Keller took a moment a few minutes ago to tell us he was doing okay. She wanted you to report there the minute you get back." The botanist looked at Lorne's tattered shirt, the shoulder flapping enough that he could see the wounds underneath. "You should get that seen to."

"I will, once I've checked in on Coughlin," Lorne replied.

They made a grim party striding down the corridor to the infirmary. It was Jillian Harper who saw them first.

"He's still in surgery," she told Evan, looking at his pale, blood splattered face with concern.

"How long?" Lorne asked.

"Probably a while yet," Jill admitted. "Doctor Keller had to put pins in his arm and leg and in one of his ribs too. It punctured a lung so that complicated things ...plus he had a puncture wound in his side - must have landed on something sharp. She's fixing that now so ...," Jill trailed off.

"We'll wait," Lorne decided, folding his arms over his chest as though daring her to protest.

"Good - then we can clean you up, see what you've done to yourself," Jill smiled at his suddenly uncomfortable expression. Doctor Keller had told her the previous week that for the time being Evan was her patient exclusively. She'd been curious but wouldn't be a very good friend if she tried to pry into his privacy.

"Most of this isn't mine," he told her defensively.

"Then go take a shower and come back here when you're done," Jill advised.

Lorne exchanged glances with Reed and Parish and then nodded. "Let me know if you hear anything," he told them. "I'll be back soon."

"Yes Sir," they said, sitting in the 'waiting' area just outside surgery.

* * *

The shower spray hitting his back was painful but in a cathartic way. Every muscle in his body ached so getting his vest and shirt off in the first place had been an exercise in pain management. As he watched the blood - Wraith and human - swirling around and then disappearing down the drain, he tried to reconcile his thoughts.

He'd almost lost Coughlin today ... and that was too close to home. Not just because the safety of his team was his responsibility. They'd gotten under his skin - three guys who were pains in the ass half the time and had him swallowing back his laughter the rest. They were friends as well as being team mates and on top of the weight of loss he already carried, even the close call had Evan teetering on the edge of control. Resting his forearms against the shower wall, Evan leaned in, letting the water pound the back of his head and neck. The slices the Wraith sword had carved out on his upper shoulders stung - like vinegar in a paper cut - but he almost welcomed the distraction. Deal with the physical pain so you didn't have to deal with the emotional stuff. Yeah, he was _all _about that. Usually ... except for lately when his coping mechanisms just weren't working. He couldn't shut off his brain, couldn't compartmentalise the job like he used to. The result was that he didn't feel entirely like himself ... wasn't acting it either if that scene with Jennifer the prior morning could be considered evidence.

Slamming the wall with his fist, Evan growled in frustration before roughly turning the water off. Grabbing a towel he quickly dried off, leaving blood streaks all over the fabric. "Damn it," he cursed, realising he wasn't going to be able to doctor himself, nor put anything on that he didn't want stained with his own blood. And Jennifer was still in surgery so he'd have to go to the infirmary for treatment - he was feeling grumpy and tired and plain pissed off enough that he seriously considered forgoing the experience.

Wrapping the already ruined towel around his shoulders, he pulled on pants and then sat to put his socks and boots on.

At the sound of the door chime he closed his eyes wearily, wondering what next. Getting up he swiped the door open. "Jennifer!" he stepped back in surprise, leaving room for her to push past him, carrying her medical kit. "Is Coughlin -?"

"He's in recovery," Jennifer said briskly, dumping her kit on his bed and opening it purposefully. "Turn around," she told him firmly.

"So he'll be okay?" Lorne persisted, staying where he was.

"He should make a complete return to duty within a couple of months," Jennifer raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for his next move.

"Is he awake? When can I go and talk to him?"

"Evan!" Jennifer almost stomped her foot. "Sit down. You're not going anywhere until I've attended to your injuries. And don't try and tell me you're fine - I can see the blood on that towel from over here!"

"You're angry?" Evan was surprised to realise she was more than that - she was boiling mad at him and not bothering to hide it. He sat down cautiously on the bed, holding himself stiffly as she peeled the towel away and then sucked in a quick breath.

"These are deep enough to need stitches," she said accusingly, her movements emphatic and purposeful as she got out the tools she'd need. "At least you had sense enough to thoroughly clean them."

"You're acting like this was my fault Jennifer," Evan flinched as cold antiseptic was applied to his right shoulder. "I didn't invite that Wraith to play tic-tac-toe on my back you know."

"No, but you went back out there instead of coming back to Atlantis like you should have," Jennifer shot back. "Now be quiet so I can concentrate."

He pursed his lips together, struggling to show no reaction as she carefully stitched each wound ... four cuts deep enough for about 20 stitches each along with others that had just broken the skin and only required bandaging.

When she was done he moved to pull on a loose shirt while she cleaned up.

"I get it you know," she said, still looking down at her things .... the tools of her trade just as P90's and C4 and tac vests were the tools of his. "You don't want to lose anyone else so you'll just throw yourself right in there, no matter the risk to your own life."

"It's not like that!" Evan protested.

"Really?" Jennifer demanded. "So what Ronon said about you tackling a Wraith to the ground and killing him with just a knife wasn't true?"

"He shouldn't have told you about that," Lorne muttered.

"He didn't!" Jennifer folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. "He told Reed and Doctor Parish - thought it was cool. So did they by the way."

"I had to do something Jennifer," Evan shot back. "I couldn't let Nate die. He was down and that Wraith would have fed on him long before I could have gone for help."

"You weren't joking when you said you'd rather it was you who had died, instead of Carson, were you?" Jennifer's voice was suddenly thick with emotion.

"We're not talking about this now," Evan turned away, looking for his ear piece. He could feel emotions - too strong - crowding to the surface. He had to get out of there before he added to the things he regretted doing the past few weeks.

"You _promised _me you'd talk to someone but you haven't, have you?!" Jennifer grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face her.

"Because there's nothing to say!" Evan shouted. "Carson died. Elizabeth died. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. Nate almost died today too. If he had and if I'd left that planet thinking I could have done something when I didn't it would have eaten me alive." He laughed harshly. "Besides, what's the point in talking about what just is?! People die - they get replaced and then they get forgotten. You of all people should know that. You expose yourself to the risks and eventually someone has to pay the bills."

"Oh, Evan," Jennifer put a shaking hand to his face, her eyes pleading with him to listen. He didn't see it – that no one was forgotten because _he_ remembered. "How can you keep so much emotion bottled up inside?"

He pulled away, going to stand by the window, eyes on rough seas he wasn't really seeing.

"No," Jennifer continued, moving to stand beside him, her eyes on his expression. "There was nothing you or anyone else could have done to save Carson or Elizabeth and that's something we all have to live with. There's no shame in being upset about that ... in grieving. You don't have to do this alone."

It was the wrong thing to say - she only realised it when his face shut down, his eyes going flat. "I'm happy with the way things are," he said bluntly. "And I'm not looking to change that. But you were right about one thing. Avoiding the infirmary because Carson used to work there is stupid. So you don't need to make any more house calls Doctor - I can take my treatments in the infirmary just like everyone else."

His words hit her hard. "You don't mean that," Jennifer swallowed back her tears, searching his face for some kind of sign that he was open to her. But there was nothing.

"I'm sorry," Lorne said simply. "I can't afford to let myself get distracted ... people are counting on me and I couldn't live with myself if I let them down. This isn't me Jennifer," he said simply gesturing vaguely in the space between them.

"Evan ...," she wanted to ask him about her. _She'd _been counting on him too, if for nothing more than to be her friend. A tear fell from her eyes and she let it roll silently down her face to drop unnoticed onto her t-shirt.

"Go ... _please_," he ground out, turning away abruptly, his arms folded across his chest. And God, the cruelty in that sat so poorly on his shoulders he almost called her back to apologise ... almost. He would have if he didn't believe that he just wasn't fit to be around.

Sniffing, Jennifer quickly grabbed her bags and stumbled out into the corridor, his door swishing closed behind her. Standing for a moment she took a few deep breaths, trying to find her calm. And then she straightened and resolutely began walking to the infirmary. It was her domain and she understood how things worked there.

**Authors Note:**

I wasn't sure about this story when I wrote it and I'm even less sure now ... I'm thinking it's pretty terrible actually - my attempt to write an angsty troubled Lorne, that is. I don't think it's salvagable for anything else though so rather than delete it I'll just quickly post the remainder because even for a bad story I'd hate to leave anyone hanging. Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter - it's 4:30am here so I hope you'll all forgive me for not replying personally this time. Apologises for any errors that have remained - I didn't edit it as much as usual, for reasons already stated.


	5. Act

**Chapter 5: Act**

Lorne went back to the infirmary, even knowing that's where Jennifer would have gone too. His chest felt tight with some kind of nameless pain that he knew had more to do with his mental state than any kind of physical condition. The anger was bubbling away in his background too - if he didn't do something with it soon he'd pop - something or someone - and he'd done enough damage for one week. But he had to check on Coughlin first - wouldn't be able to get any kind of calm until he'd seen for himself that they wouldn't be paying the highest of prices for taking those risks he'd mentioned to Jennifer.

"Boss," Coughlin was already out of recovery and into one of the proper hospital style beds. He grinned when Lorne walked in, at the way he ran a quick check to make sure Nate looked all right, and at the barely discernable way he relaxed when he realised it was true. That's what made Lorne a great team leader ... and a troubled man. "You okay?" he asked quietly.

"You're the one the Wraith used for ball practice," Lorne retorted, deflecting the question. "How are you feeling?"

"A bit loopy," Nate admitted.

"The good stuff?" Reed asked.

"Oh yeah," Nate smiled a little dreamily, getting chuckles from everyone but Evan. After the scene with Jennifer he just wasn't in the mood to be amused by anything.

Catching sight of her coming out of her office, Evan tensed. "Listen, I'll catch up with you later," he told Coughlin. "Just do what they tell you so you can get out of here quickly - we need you back on the team."

"Yes Sir," Coughlin straightened instinctively and then let out a weak moan. Lorne put a hand on his arm and then turned to leave. "Major," Nate called him back. "Thank you Sir ... for saving my life."

"Name your first kid after me and we'll call it even," Lorne joked.

Sensing that Jennifer was watching them he beat a hasty exit ... once outside the infirmary though he didn't know what to do with himself. He wasn't on duty, the mission debrief wasn't until the following day and the last thing he wanted was to write his report. He needed a little distance before he could do that without spilling out a shit load of anger that would have Colonel Carter busting him back to Earth.

It was all burning up inside of him ... anger at himself for letting them ... _her _... get too close. Everyone always said a problem shared was a problem halved but they never pointed out that a problem could be magnified the more people you had contributing to it.

The urge to smash his fist into the wall returned with force - since he couldn't do that he turned and headed for the gym.

* * *

"I think you've got that thing beat," Sheppard stood inside the doorway of the gym with his arms folded over his chest, his posture suggesting he'd been there a while.

Lorne didn't alter his rhythm, just kept alternating his fists pounding into the heavy leather bag. Sweat was dripping off his face and his breathing whooshed out harshly every time he hit the bag.

"Take a break Major," John said more firmly when his first comment got no response.

"I'd prefer not to Sir," Lorne replied, his next punch more forceful that the previous ones.

"I could make it an order," Sheppard suggested, walking further into the room.

Evan gave the bag one last punch and then caught it when it made the trip back to him. Grabbing his towel he wiped his face and then draped it over his shoulders, his shoulders rising and falling in time with his breathing.

"Here," John threw him a bottle of water he instinctively caught. "You wanna tell me what this is in aid of?" John asked, watching as Lorne drank half the bottle down without pausing.

"Not particularly," Lorne muttered, putting the lid back on the bottle and tossing it onto the bench. He respected Sheppard ... more than that, he genuinely liked him. That wasn't something he could say of all the CO's he'd had in the past. He knew John was worried about him - he just didn't have it in him to reassure the Colonel.

"You wanna tell someone else instead?" Sheppard persisted. "Because you know I can't let you keep this up - you let Keller see those hands and she'd gonna have your ass in Kate's office before you can say boo."

Evan flinched at the mention of Jennifer's name even as he looked down at his hands, noticing for the first time that he'd punched the bag so hard he'd split the skin across his knuckles in places. They were red, bruised, bleeding ... they didn't look like his hands. How had he not noticed that? Dropping down on the bench Lorne stared at the floor, his mind racing, before he looked up at his CO again.

"Doesn't it make you angry Sir?" the situation forced him into trying to articulate his concerns.

"Doesn't _what _make me angry?" John sat down across from Evan, his question not making it easy for Lorne. Maybe he knew what had Evan beating the crap out of a punching bag but it wouldn't do the other man any good to just agree.

"This!" Evan gestured vaguely. "Sending guys out who just don't come back! Replacing them before anyone can blink. Shake it all up a little and then do the whole damn thing again ... over and over."

"Of course it makes me angry," John replied. "You think I haven't been in here myself, taking it out on that bag? I have - more times than I care to count. But you know what Evan? I'd be worried if it didn't make me angry ... it's that _anger _that drives me to keep going out there. But this isn't just about the anger, is it?"

"I guess not," Lorne sighed, "not entirely."

"You have to have an outlet," John said quietly. "Not just for this - for the anger - that's the easy one. It's all the other baggage you end up carrying around. You find an outlet for that or you let it bury you."

"What do _you_ do?" Evan glanced at Sheppard curiously.

"Talk to Teyla mostly, let her kick my ass sparring," John said with a chuckle. "And you know ... I write the letters every time we lose someone. You want to do that well you have to contemplate the grief - your own and what the families will go through when they read it."

"I don't ... I can't talk to anyone about this," Evan shook his head, frowning as he thought about where he'd even start.

"_Yes _you can," Sheppard insisted. "What about Jennifer? You said it yourself - you guys are friends. And you know she'd understand better than most."

"No," Evan got up abruptly, returning to his position at the punching bag. He grabbed it, leaned his weight against it for a moment, and then send it flying away. When it came back he punched it hard, repeating the process over and over again. "Are we done here Sir?" he asked with pausing.

"For now," John watched his 2IC for a moment and then shook his head. If _he _couldn't get through to Lorne then he'd have to go a different route.

* * *

"What did you do to Lorne?" John stopped in Jennifer's office door, his arms folded over his chest.

"_Me_?" Jennifer asked incredulously. "He was the one who pushed me away Colonel!"

"And I _told _you not to let him do that," John shot back impatiently. "What? He gave one little push and you ran cowering back to your safe haven?" he nodded around the room. "Now he'd beating the crap out of punching bag and you're up here hiding."

"I'm not hiding," Jennifer said defensively, suddenly feeling uncertain. Evan had wanted her to leave him alone, hadn't he? Oh God, had she done the wrong thing and left him just when he needed her friendship the most. "Why do you care whether Evan and I get together or not?" she demanded.

"I don't!" John retorted. "Lorne's job doesn't require him to keep tabs on everyone but he does it anyway - he knows who's worried about what, who's not doing well at handling things, who needs a trip back to Earth - and he takes care of it in that unassuming way of his. And he does it very well - so well that you don't notice how it weighs him down. Keeping tabs on him is _my _job ... and since Carson _Evan's _the one who hasn't been doing that well. What happened today with Coughlin hasn't helped. I was _hoping_ that having you around to bring him out of himself would help ... because the last thing I want is to have to find another 2IC."

"You think he'd leave?" Jennifer felt frozen, the idea of Atlantis without Evan Lorne in it was just ... wrong.

"Not willingly," John said evasively. There was a host of meaning there that didn't need to be articulated - officers burned out, saw too much, reached maximum entropy. If John was worried, if he was stepping past his own reticence in talking about personal stuff to talk to her about Lorne then it meant Evan was a lot closer to that than she wanted to contemplate.

"I'll go talk to him," Jennifer got up abruptly, hurrying past the Colonel.

"He's in the officers gym," John offered. "Less traffic."

"Right," nodding, Jennifer hurried away.

* * *

When she got there Evan was exactly as John had described him. His face was red, sweat glistening over his skin and through his hair. He punched the bag with a single minded focus that would have been seriously arousing but for the grim situation. And then he shifted and she saw that sweat wasn't the only thing that dampened the back of his shirt.

Striding across the room she grabbed his fist before he could punch the bag again, grunting as she stumbled back in an effort to hold on.

"Stop!" she demanded, pushing back with all her strength.

"No," he said, pulling back. She didn't let go and ended up stumbling again, her shoulder landing against his chest. He was giving off enough heat to burn a flush across her skin - that and an earthy masculine scent that had her stomach fluttering. "Let go," he told her quietly.

"No," she returned determinedly, getting right up into his space. "You're bleeding because you've ripped your stitches with this stupid macho display! And as the CMO I have the authority to tell you that enough is enough!"

Evan didn't want to step back - that would be a retreat that would lend power to her point of view. But he couldn't stand so close and not react - to her energy, her beauty, that innocence she'd somehow retained. So he turned away, grabbing his water and a towel and moving to the bench.

"Can I do something for you Doc?" he asked, reverting to using her title deliberately.

"You can stop being an ass," she retorted.

"Right," he laughed in spite of his mood ... she'd had the ability to do that since they'd started to talk and he wasn't sure he liked it. "Anything else?"

Jennifer didn't answer immediately. Instead she went to him, dropping to her knees in front of him so that their eyes were level. Shifting closer she put her hands over his clenched fists and held on tight. "Yes ... you can let me in," she said gently.

His eyes shot to hers. They looked at each other, the seconds ticking by, before he looked away.

"I really can't," he ground out, swallowing back a wave of emotion. God, what was she trying to do to him? Break him into so many pieces he'd never find himself again?

"_Yes you can_," Jennifer insisted. Putting her hands on either side of his head she brought his eyes back to hers. "I'm sorry I let you go before ... you pushed me away but I shouldn't have let you."

"Don't do this Jennifer," he said quietly. His eyes looked impossibly blue this close up. They were so expressive ... she could see the emotion, like seas stirring in a storm.

"Don't do what?" Jennifer held on determinedly. "Don't be your friend? Don't care about you? You might think you can control everything but you can't control that. It's already too late. I _am _your friend and I _do _care about you. Whether you speak to me again or not, that's never going to change."

"I don't want this," Evan pulled away, getting up and putting distance between them. He went to his gear, pulling off his sweat and blood soaked shirt and replacing it with a fresh one ... all as though Jennifer wasn't even in the room.

"God, you're so stubborn!" she practically shouted. "You want me to humiliate myself - lay it all on the line for you? Fine!" Striding over she forced him to retreat, his back hitting the wall with a dull thud. Maybe she felt a little guilty at the way he winced - maybe she should have fixed his stitches again before tackling him but it wasn't life threatening and he'd brought it on himself with his stubborn pride. So instead of caring about hurting him physically, she concentrated on his emotional hurts. If he wouldn't listen to her words then she'd make him listen in another way. Grabbing his shoulders she jumped him, holding on tight as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He staggered a little but he caught her and she took that as a good sign.

"What are you -?" he didn't get any further before her lips were on his and she was kissing him like she never wanted to do anything else.

He froze for a moment but then his heart finally took over from his head. Threading a hand through her hair his kissed her back, turning so that she was the one pressed into the wall. She kept her arms and legs around him though, like she was afraid that if she didn't hold on with everything she had he'd leave her. He had the presence of mind to think the door closed and locked but that was it - she'd tapped into the maelstrom of emotion he'd been struggling with for weeks and he couldn't seem to find the propriety and control that was usually central to everything he believed in.

They were both breathless, his hands splayed on her bare back under her shirt before reality reasserted itself. Tearing his lips from hers he buried his head against her shoulder, sending shivers along with heated breath down her neck.

"We're not doing this," he murmured.

"Yes we are," Jennifer insisted stubbornly, rearing back so that she could look at him. "Unless you're trying to tell me you don't want me." She shifted her body a little lower, resting that female part of herself over his masculinity - oh yeah, he definitely wanted her. "Good luck making that one stick," she gave him a feline smile of satisfaction.

"I didn't say that," Lorne shot back. "I just ... you're _really _ready for this? Now .... here? Because I don't think I am ... not by a long shot."

"God," Jennifer dropped her head to his chest, hiding her blush. "Part of me really wants to say yes to that even though the rest knows it's too soon. But you're right ... we should talk," she added, dropping her legs so that he had no choice but to lower her back to the ground.

"Do we have to?" Evan muttered, regretting his moment of chivalry.

"Yes we do, and you know it," Jennifer took his hand and pulled him back to the bench, urging him to sit down. Wordlessly she went and got the gyms medical kit – taking care of his back as best she could with the limited supplies, neither of them saying a word. And then she sat on his lap, arranging herself so that she could rest her head against his chest, covering him with her heat like a blanket. She wanted him to feel like someone was on his side and that seemed like the easiest way to make it clear to him. "Okay ... spill."

"Just like that huh?" Evan shifted a little, resettling her and wrapping his arms around her middle. Leaning his head down to rest his chin on hers he sighed.

"Start anywhere," she invited, resting her weight against him.

And so he did, telling her random things about Carson that had them both laughing ... and crying, although he'd swear later that Major's _never _cried. He talked about Elizabeth too - how he'd had a stronger relationship with her than any other leader he'd served under because she wasn't military, didn't have that stoic edge that meant she couldn't care so openly about her people, and because of all the times team Sheppard had gotten into trouble and he'd had to step in - to reassure, support and ultimately go and rescue them. And he talked about his team - the things that worried him the most. Reed's hero worship and his fear that he was turning the younger man into someone too reckless to look out for his own welfare. And Parish, who never watched where he was going, rushing forward into potential danger no matter how many times Evan told him not too. When Jennifer suggested Evan might want to consider a leash he'd laughed, genuinely, and realised all of a sudden that he felt lighter.

"And Nate?" Jennifer asked gently.

"Ah yes, Nate," Evan smiled. "Dependable ... smart ... selfless. I don't usually worry about him."

"Sounds like someone else I know," Jennifer commented.

"What, you mean me?" Evan frowned, considering that. "Nah, he's a lot more ... centred than I am."

"Why do you think that?" Jennifer asked curiously.

"He'd got a large family," Evan suggested. "Gets lots of letters and emails – gives him something to look forward to."

"You don't have family?"

"I do – my Mom, one sister," Evan grinned suddenly, "plus a pain in the ass brother-in-law and two nephews."

"How old are they?" Jennifer asked.

"Ah – Jon's almost five, and Matt's going on for three," Lorne explained.

"Sounds nice," Jennifer said softly. She stopped for a moment and then asked hesitantly. "But they don't give you something to look forward to like for Sergeant Coughlin?"

"Not exactly. He's got a girl back home too," Evan offered that up reluctantly, knowing he was giving her ammunition for the part of their discussion he'd avoided so far. "Said after today he's gonna name his first kid after me."

"Because you saved his life," Jennifer smiled. "There should be a whole host of baby Evan's across the galaxy then."

"No way," Evan countered. "More like a bunch of John's and Rodney's ... with a few Teyla's and Ronon's thrown in for good measure."

"Maybe, but I like the idea of those little Evan's best," she said, resting her head against his chest again. She was content ... sitting there on his lap, listening to his heart beat. Because he wasn't as tense ... because she knew somehow she'd helped in releasing some of that ball of emotion that had taken hold of him.

He hugged her closer, letting out another sigh. "You know this scares the crap out of me, right?"

"I know," Jennifer said softly. "You're so afraid of losing something that you can't see how much strength it could give you if you'd just reach out and take it. You understand it when it applies to other people, but not for yourself."

"Not 'something' Jennifer ... _you_," Evan corrected. "I don't want to care this much about you because ...," he swallowed and she felt the shudder down to her soul. "I know - we barely know each other right? But at the same time I feel like I've known you forever."

"I _know _you," Jennifer put her hands over his forearms, feeling his strength in how securely he held her. "Maybe we didn't talk but I always knew you were there," she smiled, "and people talk ... often about our very impressive military second in command. It didn't take me long to see why that was."

"Really?" Evan seemed genuinely surprised by that, which only made her love him more. God, did she just think that ... love? Was it possible to love someone you'd known of for years but really only known personally for a week? It must be because that was what she was feeling. Maybe she wasn't ready to tell him but she was more than ready to show him somehow ... if he'd let her.

"Yes, really," she stroked his arm lightly. "I know I don't have the right to ask but I'm going to anyway. Can you ignore the fear thing and just let me be there for you? It doesn't have to be anything in particular, you know. We can just be two people who care enough about each other to want to look after each other ... like we just were."

Evan was quiet for a moment and she began to worry that maybe she'd said the wrong thing again.

"No," he finally spoke, tightening his grip when she made to move away. "Hold on Doctor Impatience," he told her with a chuckle. "I don't want this to be some casual, unnamed thing. If we're doing this then we're doing it right."

"And what does that mean precisely?" Jennifer swivelled in his lap until she could face him, wrapping her legs around him again.

"Ah," he got distracted for a moment as she smoothed her hands down his chest. "Maybe you should stop doing what you're doing before I end up doing something we'll both regret."

"Oh, I don't think so," Jennifer leaned closer and whispered close to his ear. "I can't think of too many things I'd regret doing with you Evan."

"Right," Evan gulped, blinked and then regrouped. "Doing it right means we're a couple ... a romantic couple ..."

She nodded, kissing his jaw lightly.

"... ah ... exclusive ...," he shuddered when she ran her hands through his hair, kissing just shy of his lips.

"Is that all?" Jennifer asked softly.

"God, I don't know," Evan grabbed her head and stilled her movements. "How can I think when you're doing that?"

"Who said I wanted you to think?" Jennifer smiled, looking at him expectantly.

"Hell," Evan pulled her to him, claimed her lips in a kiss that skipped slow and steady build up and went straight to hot passion. "Okay, enough," he said, breaking away moments later. He stood, lifting Jennifer with him and setting her gently back on her feet and a safe distance away from him. "How about we start with a first date ... see how it goes?"

"I'd like that," Jennifer said simply.

"Okay, then that's what we'll do," Evan returned. He crocked an elbow and smiled when she took it. Escorting her from the gym and back to 'civilisation' Lorne knew everything wasn't fixed just because he'd had one conversation with Jennifer. It _wasn't _fixed - but he felt like talking about it for the first time in months. And that had to be a good start, right?

**The End**

**Authors Note:**

Ditto on what I said last chapter ... plus forgive errors I've made because again I haven't edited as much as usual, just wanted to get this over with and done. If you didn't like it that's okay (can't please everyone all the time after all) ... if you did then I'm happy it wasn't a total disaster. Thanks for reading.


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